Lives and Loves Lost
by Cecilia Green
Summary: Set between Angels Take Manhattan and the Snowmen. River gets a visit from the Doctor one day. Prequel to Silence in the Library. Story is better than summary. One-shot.


**A/N: Very first one-shot for Doctor Who. I tried to make it match up with Silence in the Library as much as possible. Since River is dead in The Name of the Doctor, I figured their last day together would probably have taken place during his "dark days." Hope you guys enjoy, and I'd really love some reviews telling me how I did.**

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**Lives and Loves Lost**

**by Cecilia Green**

Usually, he only came when I called. It usually involved the words, "hello, sweetie," or a message on his psychic paper. But not this time. This time, he came all on his own.

It was a simple activity, really. I was out to recover the Lost Stones of Azaroth. Really, I was just bored and it was something to pass the time with. I didn't even think I'd need any help. Besides, last time I'd seen the Doctor, he'd been in a pretty bad state. We had travelled together for little over a week, but I could tell that his hearts weren't really into it. So, I asked to be dropped off on one of Sagittarius 560's moons. He made a big show about acting all hurt and abandoned, but it was for the best and he knew it. He needed to travel with somebody, but I wasn't really proper companion-material.

Now, I was sitting back in my cell, because apparently, the Stones were "sacred relics of the indigenous peoples of Azaroth." Really, as if I didn't know that! I had gone after them for the adventure anyway, I just hadn't expected to be caught and turned back over to the intergalactic police. I was getting tired of that cell. They could've at least repainted the place since I left. No need for it to look so dreary.

And then he was there, standing in front of me as the guard opened my cell door, saying that I'd been _bailed out_! He didn't even try to break me out, or compromise with the warden. He just paid bail! Right then, I knew that something was different.

We didn't talk to each other until we were back in the TARDIS. As I stepped through the doors, I took in the interior. The whole room radiated a blue glow. Rotators above the TARDIS console were etched with Gallifreyan symbols. All evidence of the fancy, orange, and fun control room from before was completely gone; everything looked colder, sadder. As soon as the doors closed behind me, he went straight for the console.

"You redecorated," I noted, trying to keep my tone light-hearted.

"Yes, I did," came his short reply. After that, he turned his attention back to the controls.

I tried again, "A bit gloomy in here, don't you think?"

"I was in the mood for some change," he said, not even bothering to look up.

I sighed before offering another conversation-starter. "You changed your clothes too, I see. And you got a haircut," I said. It was true. His hair was slightly shorter, not as tousled. He had traded his pinstripe tweed coat for a longer, dark brown jumper. His suspenders were gone, replaced by a gray waistcoat, and his bowtie was now dark brown instead of vibrant red. At my remark, he merely gave me a quick glance before returning to his work. I sighed again. Obviously, small talk wasn't going to work in this situation. "Doctor –" I began.

"What are you up to these days?" he asked casually, before adding, "Other than steeling sacred rocks, that is."

I raised my eyebrow. A joke? That was an improvement. I wondered how much time had passed for him. On my end, it had only been a few months, but that was the thing with my Time Lord husband. We never met in the right order. "Oh, I've just been around," I said. I paused, waiting for him to say something. He didn't, so I continued. "I've been thinking about joining an expedition," I said.

"Yes, I heard. A Lux, Inc.-funded trip to the Library, am I right?" he said. There was a note of restraint in his voice, as if he were holding something back. I decided not to pry.

"Yes. How'd you know?" I asked. He looked up at me then, and gave me a smile tinged with sadness.

"I've been around, too," was his simple reply. He pulled a final lever, and we were in flight. There was a moment of silence, and then he surprised me with saying, "The library's not really in good shape. I thought… Well, I thought might need something. A new tool."

"A tool?" I looked at him strangely as he made his way towards me with something cradled in his hands. "What is that?" I asked.

"A gift. Just something to help you on your expedition," he said, placing the cylindrical object in my hand. I looked down and couldn't help the gasp from escaping my lips. It was a sonic screwdriver, but different from his old one. It had every series of gadget attached. I turned it over in my hands, admiring the intricacy of the machinery.

"User recognition ring? Fluid link? Wave amplifiers? Doctor, this is…" I trailed off, at a loss for words for the first time in my life. I looked up at him. He'd given me gifts before, of course. We were married, after all. But a sonic screwdriver, especially one as sophisticated as this? It was incredible. "I don't know what to say," I admitted.

He smiled. "I'm glad you like it." He turned back to the console, and I followed him.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I didn't wait for him to answer, but looked at the monitor. "Durillium?" I was thoroughly shocked. I had expected the Doctor to be withdrawn, depressed even. Instead he was giving smiles and gifts, joking and taking me to see the Singing Towers? If I hadn't known any better, I'd have thought this was a date!

"Yes, I thought we'd go somewhere nice. It's been a while since we just spent time together," he said. Again, there was something in his voice, something he was hiding. I just couldn't tell what. He didn't sound like he just wanted to go on a date. This was important somehow.

"Doctor, we've never 'just spent time together.' What is it? Is Durillium set to explode? Do the Towers house some monstrous alien that will kill the planet's inhabitants? What aren't you telling me?"

He looked genuinely offended. "Why do I have to be hiding something from you? Can't a man just take his wife out on a simple date?" he said. I looked at him skeptically. He gave an exasperated sigh. "Please, River, just enjoy yourself for me. Okay?"

Maybe this was healing for him. Maybe he needed this to make himself feel better. It would make sense. After what happened, he'd need a little company. I mentally kicked myself. Of course, how could I be so inconsiderate! Thinking this was all some part of a master plot? He probably just needed some calm time to heal. "Alright, Doctor. Dazzle me," I said. This caused him to smile. He pushed a couple of buttons, turned a couple of dials, and we landed.

"Well, Doctor Song," said the Doctor, offering his arm to me, "are you ready?"

I took his arm and said, "Let's go, sweetie." We stepped outside.

The sky was deep and black, the different stars glittering in the atmosphere. Durillium didn't have any moons, but a faint silvery glow radiated from the crystalline towers in the distance. They soared upwards, piercing the sky. They glimmered and shone like polished diamonds, and resonated different pitches of humming, strung together in an ethereal melody. The song echoed all around, flowing through my ears like a sweet lullaby, making my heart flutter with happiness. "Doctor, this is beautiful. Thank you," I said breathlessly. He didn't say anything, but leaned over and brushed his lips lightly over my cheek.

I don't know how long we stood there, listening to the supernal tune. The Towers' song spun through the air, lifting me off my feet and carrying me into space. Just me and the Doctor, the only two people in the universe. I glanced over at him, and nearly started. A single, glimmering tear fell from his eye and trailed down his cheek before dripping off in chin and landing on his gray waistcoat. "Doctor…" I murmured. He just now seemed to notice the tear and wiped the remaining moisture from his face.

"It's nothing, River. Just listen," he said, squeezing my hand. I nodded, but my eyes drifted over to him every now and again after that, each time spotting another tear falling from his face.

We listened to the music until the sun began to shine from across the horizon. As soon as the first beam illuminated the Towers, they quieted, leaving the air with a feeling of emptiness. I sighed, feeling fatigue drift into my mind. The Doctor leaned over and said to me, "Come on. Let's take you home." I nodded sleepily and let him guide me back to the TARDIS.

I told him where to drop me off, but after that, we rode in peaceful silence. When the TARDIS groaned and came to a stop, he walked me out the door. We stood by the doors and I smiled up at him. "Thank you for that, Doctor," I said. "It was… It was very special."

He smiled and nodded at me, but didn't say anything. I was about to leave, but turned back and said, "Doctor?"

"Hmm?" He looked back at me.

I took a deep breath and chose my words carefully. "Amy and Rory…" He tensed. "I know it was difficult, especially letting Amy go, but they deserve to be together, without constantly worrying for their lives." God, this was coming out all wrong. Still, I struggled on. "I just… I don't want you to feel too bad about them. They're happy now, and they'll want you to move on."

He was silent for a moment. "Thank you, River. And thanks for coming with me," he said finally.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," I replied. He looked down at me, as if debating something mentally, but then he leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. He gently cupped my face and placed his other hand on my shoulder. It was a sweet kiss, a delicate one. I realized that, while we've kissed before, this was the first time that _he_ had ever kissed _me_. And I have to say, he was pretty good.

When he pulled away, he stayed close and whispered something in my ear, his breath tickling my skin. It was just a single word, but that word felt ancient and powerful. It carried a weight unlike anything else I had ever heard. Just that one word – and I knew what it meant.

I jerked my head away and stared at the Doctor eyes wide. His face looked shadowed and sullen. "Doctor –" I started.

"Good luck on your expedition, River. I hope Mr. Lux treats you well," he said.

"Doctor…"

He smiled at me. "I'll see you soon, River. Goodbye." He closed the door. I didn't even register the familiar wheezing sound of the TARDIS until it disappeared. I was speechless, alone in the street, the magnitude of what just happened swirling through my brain. Next time I saw him, he had some explaining to do.

I turned around. Behind me stood the center where Lux, Inc's spacecraft was stationed. I'd spend the night here, making some final preparations before leaving for the Library in the morning. I sighed. Mr. Lux was infuriating, and most my teammates were insufferable. Maybe I would see the Doctor soon…

I took out the sonic screwdriver. I could spend the night practicing with it, then massage the Doctor in the morning. I nodded, satisfied with my plan.

I stepped towards the building.

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**A/N: Sorry about the abrupt ending, but I didn't want to go into too much detail about what happens next because, well, you guys pretty much already know. Again, please review!**


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